


Back To You

by TeenageFever



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 10:52:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15338289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenageFever/pseuds/TeenageFever
Summary: Alternate ending to 2x06





	Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> I hate Adena's lack of POV in this storyline so I ended 2x06 differently and 2x07 doesn't exist to me. First fic so please be kind.

"Are you...are you breaking up with me?" Kat asks slowly and before Adena can even respond, Kat continues, "I don't want to lose you," and Adena's response is automatic "I don't want to lose you either" and it's true. Even in this moment, where all she can feel is this weight on her chest, where even breathing feels like a struggle, and looking at Kat makes her want to fall apart, she knows she doesn't want to lose her, "But this curiousity that you have Kat, it isn't just going to go away" and Adena knows this from experience. It's in this moment that Adena knows what she has to do, but the words are stuck in her throat. She tries several times to open her mouth, but every time she does, her throat tightens.

"So what do we do?" Kat's words break her out of her reverie, she reaches over and takes Kat's hand in her own, partially to buy her herself an extra moment, but also to give her the courage she knows she needs to have in this moment. She's trying to find the right words, the words to end something she thought she'd have forever. She's looking forward but she can feel Kat's eyes on her, and as Adena turns to meet them for the first time that night she takes a deep breath "I think maybe we rushed into this" she chokes out and she hates the way she hears her voice crack, and she uses her free hand to wipe away the tears that start falling, because she knows, no matter how hard this is, it's what she needs to do, for Kat, but also for herself. "Adena, no," Kat says right away and now she's crying too "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And I know that's not enough, I know I messed up, but I'm in this, 100%-" and Adena can't help but help but explode, standing up, yelling "But clearly you're NOT in this 100% Kat! How can you even say that with a straight face?"

Adena turns away from Kat and takes a deep breath. The more this conversation progresses, the more the hurt gives way to the anger she feels. Anger at Kat for ruining them, her, like this. Anger at herself for not seeing this coming. She turns to face Kat again, who sits still in the same spot with tears streaming down her face "I don't _want_ to lose you Kat, but I can't keep going through this cycle with you, where you profess your feelings in a way that makes me feel so secure in you, in what we have, our future, where you make me happier than I knew I was even capable of, before hurting me in ways I couldn't even fathom before meeting you. I can't keep allowing you to rip the rug out from under me!"

Adena thought she'd gotten over what happened between them the first time around but now in this moment, all the previous hurt resurfaces. "You know that first night you came over to my apartment, I'd never felt anything like that before. That connection, that comfort. It was so new, but it felt like I had found something I didn't even know I was looking for my entire life. I don't think I've ever expressed to you the depth of how much you hurt me back then. It wasn't just that you ended it, but also the way you chose to do it. In a one sentence text. And when I tried to speak to you, to just have a conversation face to face, you dismissed me like we meant _nothing_ , like _I_ was nothing" Adena puts her hand to her chest to try to steady her breathing as she stands crying in front of Kat.

Kat brushes her own tears away before getting up, taking the 2 steps across the room to eliminate the space between her and Adena. She reaches to wipe Adena's tears but before she could, Adena grabs her wrists gently in midair before she can reach her destination "Just don't," she pleads and Kat drops her hands back to her side. "I know I've hurt you, now and in the past, but _I love you_ Adena. I love you more than anything, and I will do _whatever_ I need to do to make this up to you. To earn your trust back. I will say sorry however many times you need to hear it, because I am, I'm so sorry Adena. If you need some space, then I'll give you space, but we're worth fighting for." and Adena can't help but scoff as Kat says that, the anger pushing through to the surface once again "Oh _now_ we're worth fighting for. If only you felt that way that night at the club." She tries to turn away, to regain the composure she's rapidly losing, possibly already lost if she's being completely honest, but Kat reaches out to hold her in place, "I know we can fix this Adena," but Adena won't allow herself to fall into this trap, not again "This can't be my focus right now. _You_ can't be my focus. Not anymore. With work, my immigration, that has to be my first priority. My only priority."

Adena takes a shaky breath, looking Kat in the eyes before continuing "And I think yours should be exploring your sexuality. You've only just scratched the surface of this whole other side of yourself, and you can finally fully experience what that means without us, me, holding you back."

This time when Kat reaches up to cup her cheek, Adena doesn't stop her, she can't help but lean into Kat's touch, the warmth of her hand "Adena _please_ ," Kat leans down to press her forehead against Adena's, tears still streaking down her face, "Don't give up on us" she pleads in a whisper, their faces so close Adena can feel Kat's breath on her face as she says this, and all Adena wants to do is give in to her. No matter how much she's hurting, she just wants to make it all better for Kat, and that fleeting thought strengthens her resolve. She can't keep putting Kat's feelings before everything else at the expense of her own. She deserves better than that. Even with that knowledge though, she barely gets the words out "I just, I can't do this anymore Kat."

Adena steps back, out of Kat's embrace and looks away, unable to take the devastation on Kat's face, but as her eyes flit around Kat's apartment, all she can see are pieces of herself, of them as a couple. "If it's ok with you, I'll come by tomorrow when you're at work to pick up my stuff," Adena says through her tears but she gets no reply. After standing in an uncomfortable silence for what seems like forever, Adena decides to leave. She takes her purse and her coat and makes it as far as the door before she hears Kat, "Where will you stay?" and for a brief moment, Adena thinks of being spiteful and telling her that it's really no longer any of her business, but when she turns to look back at Kat, she relents, "I stayed in Firuze's guest room last night and she said I could stay for as long as I need to."

All she gets out of Kat is a mumbled "Ok" with a nod, her body language showing her resignation to the decision Adena's made and Adena knows she has to get out of there before she falls apart completely, "Goodbye Kat." she says as she turns and finally leaves.

* * *

The next day, with the last of her boxes by the door, Adena stands just looking around Kat's apartment. She no longer sees traces of herself. When Kat gets home, it'll be as if she was never here, and Adena's chest constricts at the thought. "Hey are you ready?" Firuze says interrupting her thoughts, and she puts on a brave face. "Yeah, just bring that box to the car, and I'll be down in a minute" Adena says pointing to one of the two boxes in the doorway. Firuze looks at her for a second longer before nodding and leaving her once more.

Adena knows there's just one thing left for her to do. She reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out her keychain. She freezes because this is it. When she does this, she's officially saying goodbye. Not only to Kat, but the life she thought she'd have. It might seem silly to some because of the relative brevity of their relationship, but after Peru, Adena can't deny that she thought she would spend the rest of her life with Kat. She gently removes the apartment key and sets it on the dining table. She looks around one last time before getting her last box and closing the door behind her.

Later that night, Adena & Firuze are on the floor in front of her couch eating in silence, aside from deciding what to order for dinner, they haven't spoken since leaving Kat's apartment. Adena, feeling the tension of unspoken words in the air, sighs "Just say whatever it is you want to say Firuze" and Firuze stops eating to meet her eyes before softly saying "You've been quiet since we left Kat's, really since you came over the other night. You've barely touched your food, and even though we're in the same room, it feels like you're a million miles away. I don't want to pry, I'm just worried about you."

Adena's first instinct is to brush her off but when she sees the concern etched on Firuze's face, she decides against it. "Honestly, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry," she says, her throat thick with emotion, "but I'm afraid if I start, I won't be able to stop" and when she pauses as her voice starts to crack, Firuze moves closer to her and Adena rests her head on her shoulder. "You know the worst part?" she asks, "even now with everything, I still want talk to her you know? Make sure she's ok. Because as hurt and upset as I am, I kinda get it. How pathetic is that? She breaks my heart and all I want to do is make sure _she's_ ok."

Firuze reaches for her hand "You are _not_ pathetic. You love her and that doesn't just go away in a day. But aziz-am, that's not your job anymore. I know last time you guys ended things you stayed in contact but I think this time, maybe some distance would be better". Adena nods against her shoulder. "I know, you're right. I have a couple meetings coming up next week through some connections I made at the retreat about a possible gallery showing, and I'm just going to focus on that. Hopefully through this, I can finally sort out my immigration status and not have to live in limbo anymore."

* * *

Kat spent the day after the breakup avoiding Jane & Sutton at Scarlett. It wasn't that hard because it was a busy day for all of them. Jane's first day back and Sutton putting in extra work to make up for the last few weeks. Kat was grateful. She knew they'd grill her about her how her conversation with Adena went and the last thing she wanted was to breakdown at work. Her workload for the day also kept her from falling face first into her misery like she wanted. She knew it wouldn't last though, and as she sat on the train on her way home, all she could think about was Adena. She hadn't heard from her all day and she was hoping that she changed her mind. That she decided to just take some space instead. The minute she walked through the door she knew though. Adena was gone, and when Kat saw the key on the dining room table, she lost it. The weight of that kiss, her breakup with Adena, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She sunk into one of the chairs around the table while sobs wracked her body. She ends up falling asleep on her couch that night, unable to bring herself to sleep in the bed she shared with Adena.  
Kat calls in sick to work the next day and when Jane and Sutton message her in the group chat to check on her, she responds in a short text letting them know she's fine and she'll see them tomorrow. In light of all this, she wasn't really surprised when she was dragged into the fashion closet as soon as she gets to work the next morning.

"Are you ok?"

"How did it go with Adena the other night?"

"Is she still mad?"

Jane and Sutton fire off questions at her and she has to put on a brave face, "Guys, I'm fine, I'm good, I just took a personal day" but that does nothing to assuage the concern on their faces. "Is everything ok?" Jane asks gently. "Um, so, Adena & I broke up. She moved out" Kat blurts out trying to act nonchalant. "Oh babe, I'm so sorry" Jane responds and Kat hates the pity she sees on their faces. "It's ok you know, it's probably for the best. I'm ok." and before she can say anything else, Kat's phone beeps and she pulls it out to check it. "I've gotta get to work" and when she sees how they continue to look at her, she reiterates, "guys, don't worry, I'm _fine_ ," before quickly making her exit. She's never been so glad for a work alert before in her life. She knows if she had stayed any longer, Jane and Sutton would've gotten the truth out of her about how she's feeling and she can't deal with those feelings right now.

As her workday comes to a close, Kat's dreading going back to her empty apartment, she's about to give in and text Jane and Sutton about a movie night at their place when she gets a text from Leila " _Habit forming 2nite??_ " and Kat doesn't even have to give it a second thought before responding that she's in.

* * *

Though it started off as just a way to avoid going home, Kat was having a suprisingly good time with Leila. It's exactly what she needed tonight, someone to have fun with, but doesn't know her well enough to pry or force her to confront her feelings. She left Leila on the dance floor to get herself another drink at the bar when she feels someone sidle up next to her "fancy seeing you here again" and Kat turns to see Daniella smiling down at her. Kat runs through a range of emotions upon seeing her, first thought was how fucking sexy she looked, then guilt because of Adena, then reminding herself that not only is she single, Adena's the one who dumped her and told her to "explore her sexuality". Kat decides to get out of her own head so she downs her drink and leads Daniella, who's all too willing, to the dancefloor.

They pick up right where they left off, grinding, hands roaming, and this time when Daniella leans down to connect their lips, Kat doesn't hesitate in reciprocating. "You wanna get out of here?" Daniella whispers, her teeth grazing Kat's ear. "Lead the way" Kat responds, taking her phone out to text Leila she's leaving. They're all over each other in the cab ride back to Daniella's place and by time they get there, they both have an unspoken agreement to skip the small talk.

Kat wakes up in the middle of the night disoriented at first by the unfamiliar apartment, and when the events of the night all come flooding back to her, now that the haze of hormones have passed, she just feels sick. She gets out of bed slowly to avoid waking Daniella and tiptoes around the apartment gathering her stuff her stuff before sneaking out. There's a sinking feeling in her stomach and an emptiness she hadn't expected. The only thing running through Kat's mind is that she threw away her relationship with the woman she loved for _this_. Meaningless hookups and sneaking out at 2 in the morning. As soon as she gets home, she hops in the shower, and she doesn't even notice she's crying until the water streaming down her face starts tasting salty. She's ends up sleeping on the couch again that night, once again unable to sleep in the bed she shared with Adena.

* * *

_2 months later_

Kat's at work scrolling through the Scarlett twitter feed when she sees it. Adena's having photography exhibit at a gallery later on tonight. Just seeing her photo in the ad for it on twitter sends Kat spiralling into what if's. She's been doing better in the past 2 months. She finally opened up to Jane and Sutton in painstaking details about everything, she's been going out more with Leila, who's actually become a good friend, though there haven't been any more nights like the one with Daniella, and she's been meeting a ton of new people. Sure, she still can't sleep in her own bed but you know, baby steps. Seeing the image of Adena though, it's like she's right back where she was 2 months ago, and the wave of regret threatens to overwhelm her. She's had time to really think about her relationship with Adena and she now knows it wasn't as perfect as she thought it was. At least not for Adena.

Despite her pretences to herself, later that night Kat ends up where it was inevitable she'd end up from the moment she saw that post on twitter, outside the gallery Adena's having her exhibit. She tells herself she's just going to slip in to see Adena's work and slip out unnoticed. Adena will never have to know she's there. That's the plan, and it works for a while, until she sees Adena in person for the first time in months. Kat can't help but lose her breath for a moment, and in that moment, the plan flies out the window. She tries to be as discreet as possible, she doesn't want Adena to know she's there, the last thing she wants is to upset her on her big night, but she can't tear her eyes away from her. Kat loves watching Adena speak about things she's passionate about and seeing her work the room, engaging with others about her art and what it means to them, Kat's mesmerized. She gets so caught up in being in Adena's presence again, she doesn't even notice the gallery emptying out, and when Adena turns and sees her for the first time, they both freeze. Kat doesn't know if she should go over and say hi, or turn and leave, so she does neither and just stands there until Adena's standing directly in front of her.

"Kat, what are you doing here?" and Kat's never wanted the ground to open up and swallow her more than in this moment. "I'm sorry, this was stupid. I saw an ad for tonight and I just wanted to...I don't know what I wanted actually. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'll just go" Kat rambles and turns to leave. Adena reaches out and stops her "Wait. I'm sorry, that came out rude, I just, wasn't expecting to see you" and before Kat can respond, Firuze comes over and whispers something to Adena, and Kat stands there uncomfortably while they whisper back and forth to each other. The conversation isn't that long but judging from the looks Firuze sends her way, Kat doesn't have to guess what they're talking about, and it's confirmed when she walks away without acknowledging Kat. Adena turns back to her "So, my night's pretty much done, they're about to start closing up and I'm no longer needed, do you want to go for a walk, catch up?"

* * *

Adena doesn't know what possessed her to invite Kat for a walk but the invitation's out there now and she can't take it back. If she's being honest with herself, she doesn't want to, and she can't help but smile a little when Kat accepts. They walk in an awkward silence for a little bit before Kat says "Your photos tonight were beautiful. I know I've said this to you before but you truly are so talented Adena, and we're lucky you've chosen to share it with us." and all Adena can do is blush and mumble her thanks. "So how have you been?" she asks Kat, "Ok. You?" and Adena can't help the small smile that appears on her face "I've been good. Obviously you saw the exhibit tonight, I've got some more lined up, and I finally got my visa issues sorted. It's just such a relief to not have that hanging over my head anymore".

Kat looks at her with a wide smile on her face "Adena! That's so great! I'm really happy for you". The awkward silence is back and Kat breaks it once again "I miss you" she says and Adena sighs "Kat..." she says in response. Kat knows it's now or never. "Adena please, just, hear me out ok?" and when Adena nods imperceptibly, Kat takes her hand and leads her to bench nearby. When they sit, Kat laces their fingers together, turns her body towards Adena, who's looking down, and starts speaking "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I just have so many regrets. There are so many things I understand now, that I wish I understood before so that maybe I wouldn't have made the mistakes I did. When we broke up, you said I needed to explore my sexuality, so a few days after we broke up-" Adena interrupts her "Kat is this really necessary?" and Kat gives her hand a small squeeze "Just let me finish please" and Adena huffs but stays quiet. "Right, so after we broke up, I just wasn't in a great space, and I was doing everything I could to avoid dealing so I hooked up with someone. In the interest of full disclosure I think you should know that it's the same person I had kissed before" and she feels Adena tense up so she continues before she loses this chance "After is the important part. I just felt sick afterward and the reason I felt that way is because of you, of us. I don't want to have meaningless sex with a bunch of random women because I'm in love with you, and I can't even contemplate getting into a relationship with someone else because I've already found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to experiment, or explore, or any other synonym, with anyone but you Adena, and I hope I'm not being selfish because it seems like your life's been great without me, but I know if I didn't at least try I would regret it for the rest of my life. I miss you Adena, and I want you back."

Kat sits anxiously while Adena sits quietly, "say something, please" Kat implores and when Adena finally looks up, Kat can see the unshed tears in her eyes "I don't know what to say to that" and Kat gives her a half smile "Just say yes, and we can figure out all the other stuff," and despite the fact that all Adena wants to do is say yes, she can't "I can't go back to the way things were Kat, we can't just pick up where we left off" is what she says instead. "I know. I know that I took how understanding you were for granted and too often I was caught up in myself to see how things affected you, but it won't be like that this time." Kat promises. "We would have to take it slow this time. I'd need to take it slow this time. Last time we skipped so many steps." and Kat feels her smile getting wider "We can take it as slow as you want, you set the pace. Just say yes" and now Adena's finally smiling "Ok" and even though Kat felt it coming, she still can't believe it herself "Ok?" and Adena laughs "Yes Kat, I'm saying yes" and Kat pulls her into her arms, Adena's head in the crook of her neck. "Kat?" she says and when Kat looks down at her, she continues "I missed you too."


End file.
